≫ Big things coming for Deserted Rest Island

Again with the natural-man concept lololol

└ Is that title for realㅠㅠ

└ I’m already excited

Until the long-awaited broadcast day of Deserted Rest Island, I barely slept at all. For a while, if anyone asked me what the scariest thing in the world was, I probably would’ve answered, "Watching insane introverts appear on television."

"We’re doomed. Spark’s image is finished. Next time it’ll be four people, then five... They’re gonna drag them in one by one until the final.jpg is all of them sitting around roasting marshmallows together."

"Marshmallows are actually pretty modern."

"God damn it..."

Even Lee Cheonghyeon’s correction made too much sense, which only made me more miserable. Right, what marshmallows? We’d be lucky if they didn’t end up sticking bananas onto branches and roasting them over open flames. I could already picture everyone else eating torch-caramelized bananas on French toast while only our group sat there living off campfire bananas like some one-food diet.

"Should we start the camera now? The broadcast starts in ten minutes!"

Jeong Seongbin spoke.

We had installed cameras around the dorm because we planned to film ourselves watching the live broadcast and upload it later as self-produced content.

The vivid memory of me spending the last viewing session doing nothing but getting angry was still fresh in my mind. So I had wondered what possible entertainment value there could be in filming this too, but...

"Hyung’s reactions are funny enough on their own, so it’ll be fine!"

...Lee Cheonghyeon had said that, and the content got approved.

If it could make the fans laugh, then I didn’t mind showing myself losing my mind a few times. I also decided to remember to laugh here and there so the atmosphere wouldn’t become too overheated.

"It’s starting!"

As the members gathered in front of the screen, the commercials ended at perfect timing.

Soon, warm sunlight that looked comforting just from seeing it and green trees sprouting new leaves spread across the screen like a painting.

『A warm spring morning』

Even the pink caption sparkled with glitter effects.

『???: The weather’s nice.』

『???: Seriously...!』

Along with the cheerful chatting voices, the camera slowly descended from the vast sky.

Standing side by side were Choi Jeho, Park Juu, and Kang Giyeon.

『Hello, we’re Spark!』

Immediately after the short but impactful greeting came the VCR introducing the cast members.

Phrases like blue chip of the advertising industry, center of attention, and professional idols flashed across scenes from the “Bright” music video, Nidas pictorials, and music-show fancams.

『And then...』

Together with the ominous trailing pause, the screen suddenly filled with the sullen face of Teacher Choi Jeho in complete ragged-man mode, not a trace remaining of the polished image from moments earlier.

『Jeho: Do we really need a house?』

『Giyeon: Huh?』

That wasn’t the only legendary scene either. Countless masterpieces followed. The compilation had become famous enough that Lee Cheonghyeon could recite the next lines without breathing, and with the dramatic editing effects added in, the program emphasized their chaotic history even further.

『The first visitors in Deserted Rest Island history to live without a house』

Even the captions escalated things further.

I wanted to say, Our kids really aren’t that kind of stars, but the MeTube screenshots shown as evidence, each thumbnail plastered with tags boasting several million views, rendered all my excuses meaningless.

『A new companion joins the history-makers!』

When gentle, harmlessly smiling Park Juu appeared, my worries eased slightly. Since it was spring, they had even added falling cherry blossom effects, making Park Juu look exactly like a flower petal scattered away by sparrows.

But the relief didn’t last long.

『Giyeon: Hyung, doesn’t something smell like it’s burning?』

『Juu: My clothes got burned a little earlier...』

『The new member with equally unforgettable individuality!』

"..."

"Hyung, are you okay?"

Jeong Seongbin placed a hand on my shoulder and asked.

"I’m not okay. My soul has died."

"You can’t die already, hyung."

"What exactly did you people even do there?"

Kang Giyeon didn’t answer.

Apparently proud of something, only Choi Jeho spoke casually.

"We lived better than last time, at least."

"Can I trust that?"

"Hyung, do you trust Jeho hyung? People say bungee jumping is scarier when you bounce back up than when you first fall."

At Lee Cheonghyeon’s words, my world collapsed again.

『The unpredictable trio’s deserted-island survival story starts now!』 𝒇𝓻𝓮𝓮𝙬𝙚𝒃𝒏𝓸𝙫𝒆𝙡.𝓬𝓸𝒎

"They called it unpredictable! They called it a survival story!"

"Hyung, calm down!"

"We’re doomed. Calling them Zestral Homo erectus was already too generous. My newly opened Spark jewelry store..."

Whether I cried or not, the boat departed anyway.

Choi Jeho and Kang Giyeon sat comfortably on the deck like veterans and pulled out sunscreen. Park Juu hesitated for a moment before placing his bag on the ground to sit on and applying sunscreen too.

"Juu."

"Yeah."

"Why are you sitting on your bag?"

The white bag, which had once shone brilliantly under the sun but was now not only hidden beneath Park Juu’s shadow but also wrinkled to hell, looked pitiful.

"We have to wear these clothes for several days. They can’t get dirty."

"So the bag can get dirty instead?"

At my question, Park Juu answered simply.

"We’re going to a deserted island. You have to give up some things..."

It was such an easygoing statement that I could hardly believe it had come from Park Juu.

The poor bag was vigorously dusted off by Park Juu’s rough hands. A tiny speech bubble hanging from the side read, This is suffering...

『PD: Today, we prepared a special survival guide for you all.』

『Giyeon: Really?』

『PD: Apparently the island has a lot of poisonous plants. So for safety reasons.』

A homemade guidebook appeared that looked like it had been printed all at once on the station’s office printer.

If they were going to make something like that anyway, couldn’t they at least include the locations of nearby caves too? Hell, if they had just called me, I would’ve made them a full-color, ultra-high-definition, hundred-page guidebook.

"PD-nim, if you ever happen to watch this someday... I’m actually really good at making things like that. Please trust me just once. I’ll prepare everything from start to finish. I’m begging you."

"Doesn’t that mean you’re planning to send us to another deserted island again?"

"I’m sorry. I retract the statement."

Afraid Kang Giyeon’s words might become reality, I hurriedly swallowed my own comment back down.

Onscreen, Park Juu carefully tucked the guidebook into his bag.

Maybe it was because of the sunscreen, or maybe the guidebook, but the members looked noticeably brighter as they arrived at the barren beach.

(According to the captions, there had been seventeen hours of long-distance travel.)

Choi Jeho carried a pitifully thin bag that made me question whether he’d even packed a toothbrush. Park Juu carried a bag flattened like dried filefish. Only Kang Giyeon’s bag still maintained a normal shape.

The three stepped off the boat with grave expressions.

『Jeho: Should we start by finding somewhere to build a house?』

Astonishingly, Choi Jeho eased some of my worries.

I was so shocked I nearly got emotional.

『PD: You’re building a house this time?』

Wait, PD-nim actually hoped they’d sleep outdoors again this time too?

Surely people deserved to show growth at least occasionally.

『Giyeon: The older members begged us to at least build a house this time. We wanted to show everyone how much we’ve changed.』

≫ THEY’RE BUILDING A HOUSE

Stop lying since when did you people start living luxuriously

≫ Choi Jeho lost his初心

Started caring about real estate now

"Everyone sounds disappointed that they’re building a house."

Just as Lee Cheonghyeon said while reading the live chat, viewers expressing disappointment at the tragic news(?) flooded in.

I knew the production team had invited them back because they wanted to recreate that same old chaos. But they could demonstrate primitive behavior in plenty of ways other than not building a house. Choi Jeho and Kang Giyeon absolutely possessed that kind of potential.

That was why I had repeatedly begged them to at least sleep somewhere decent.

Fortunately, the clever Kang Giyeon hadn’t forgotten my request.

Choi Jeho stopped at a beach with the ocean in front and forest behind them. The younger two stood on either side of him.

『Juu: What are you thinking about...?』

『Jeho: Thinking about the most efficient way to build a house.』

I had a bad feeling.

Choi Jeho... efficiency?

Onscreen, Choi Jeho scanned the beach with a serious expression. My anxiety skyrocketed.

『Jeho: Juu hates bugs, right?』

『Juu: Yeah...』

『Jeho: Then maybe... we should raise the sleeping area off the ground a little.』

『Giyeon: Like a hammock?』

Choi Jeho started drawing in the sand. His plan was to weave a lattice floor between trees spaced an appropriate distance apart and sleep on top of it.

He even proposed preventative measures to drive away insects and keep warm. They would build a fire beneath the wooden floor. To prevent the flames from spreading, he planned to dig a deep pit underneath and place the campfire there.

Watching the completed drawing, Park Juu spoke.

『Juu: I know what this is called.』

『Giyeon: Houses like this have names too?』

『Juu: ...Smoking.』

Thanks to the horrifying name, the smoked-house plan was immediately rejected.

It probably would’ve been canceled anyway because of the fire hazard issue, but the fact that it got shut down before they even attempted it hurt my soul.

The conversation wandered endlessly into topics like Maybe digging into the ground and sleeping really is best, Why have we learned nothing, and Would sleeping in a cave be cold?

After a long detour, they finally settled on building a modest house at the boundary between forest and sea.

Choi Jeho drew a long horizontal line into the dirt slope. Then he called Kang Giyeon over and asked:

『Jeho: Think you can dig this out?』

『Giyeon: How much?』

『Jeho: Enough to fit a head.』

『Giyeon: You’re planning to sleep with your head inside the wall?』

『Jeho: Then we won’t need pillows.』

"The obsession with pillows, seriously!"

I completely lost my mind and shouted.

I was so furious I thought I might die.

"Hyung, the cameras are rolling!"

"I know! They’ll edit it out anyway, but still—everyone, I’m sorry!"

"Isn’t this better than cutting logs?"

"What part of this is better?!"

Whether I suffered or not, Kang Giyeon quietly started digging dirt without complaint.

Watching him silently, Park Juu calmly pointed something out.

『Juu: If you sleep with your head in there... won’t sand keep falling on your face the whole time...?』

『Giyeon: !』

It was the first sign of intellectual life that hadn’t appeared in either Choi Jeho or Kang Giyeon until now.

I grabbed both of Park Juu’s hands.

"Juu, you’re saving the team..."

But Park Juu ignored my praise. He kept avoiding my gaze and turning his head away, so I thought he felt embarrassed...

『Juu: Then let’s dig upward too so breathing’s easier.』

『Giyeon: Oh, okay.』

...Turns out he just felt guilty.

After somehow finding a pair of damaged gloves with holes in them, Park Juu enthusiastically joined in digging dirt.

"Is there some kind of underground water vein running through that island? Why do they become weird the moment they go there?"

"There’s water everywhere around it, so obviously something is flowing."

Choi Jeho poured oil onto the flames.

As if perfectly timed, the screen shifted to Choi Jeho wandering off alone.

『PD: What are you going to find?』

『Jeho: Pillars. Since the dirt will support one side, wouldn’t we only need four pillars and a base to hold up the roof on the other side?』

So he really had intended to just slap a roof directly over that shallow dirt trench.

They genuinely planned to use it for nothing but sleeping.

At this rate, Juu and Giyeon were going to dig the entire thing away before he returned. They’d end up sleeping in a right-triangle house.

As Choi Jeho wandered around lazily, he found a tree that wasn’t particularly thick but looked sturdy and straight. He stood the abandoned log upright by one end and suddenly pressed his nose against it.

『PD: What are you doing? (bewildered)』

『Jeho: Juu’s sensitive to smells. It can’t smell weird.』

"Your priorities are fundamentally wrong from the start!"

In the end, I completely exploded only ten minutes into the broadcast.