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... much worse," I said. "I’m a vampire now and I have responsibilities. I have to fight in a war to save the world now. You know, grown up stuff. I know it sucks but you’ll still see me occasionally."

"You’re a what?" Tommy said.

"Like for real?" Dan said. "Do you sleep in a coffin? Does your erection hit the top of the coffin when you’re sleeping? Doesn’t that get uncomfortable?"

"I’m a vampire. I’m serious. I can prove it. Also, no dan I don’t sleep in a coffin. And yes th ...

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“Ever wondered how a bastard child lives a normal life while married to a goddess? No. Neither have I, because he's an overpowered bastard child of the king married to a goddess that looks like a demon.”

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