Eighteen's Bed-Chapter 30.2

I’m sure that bastard said something while looking at me.

That kid alone was shining in a brilliant white. He turned his head and whispered something to his friend, and then the world stopped.

The conditions for a miracle were special. The slightly bent white neck from looking down at the highly damaged dish, the blue veins faintly visible on the hand, the sharp nose, the thick double eyelid that appeared and disappeared with every blink, the full lips protruding out, the uniform buttoned all the way up, and the unusually prominent ankle bone—all of these had to be there for such a miracle to happen.

Seventeen, about to welcome early summer. Soon the evergreen trees would bloom, and in the cafeteria, white snow fell.

I still clearly remember it. The kid, looking dissatisfied with the dish in his hand, constantly frowned, then put the spoon back in the utensil holder. And still frowning, he picked the spoon from the innermost place and placed it on his meal tray. He seemed satisfied and kept glancing around, even standing on tiptoe.

“……”

In my nervousness, I dropped the meal tray, but I didn’t even hear the noise. I fumbled around for my hands. I had to find out who that kid was. As soon as I grabbed a firm body, I hurriedly asked without knowing whose it was.

“Who’s that?”

“What?”

“Who’s that…”

“What the hell are you saying? Goddamn it, let go. You bastard. You almost made the pork cutlet fall. Damn bastard.”

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“Who’s that?”

I recognized the voice—it was Kim Minho. That rotten-eyed bastard wouldn’t know. I pointed quickly with my finger at the kid who was disappearing in the distance. Kim Minho, as if he understood, nodded and told me a name.

“It’s Han Junwoo. That bastard.”

“Han Junwoo?”

“That bastard’s been getting a bit famous lately. What, you look a bit scared?”

“……Han Junwoo. Han Junwoo, huh?”

“Why the hell are you asking back? You should know him, damn it. Huh? I told you this many times. Many times! That bastard’s the one causing all the trouble in Donggwan lately. Sex king bastard. He’s obsessed with women. Fucking bastard.”

Han—Jun—Woo. Han Junwoo. The uncomfortable feeling lingered on my lips. Sex king? By now, the snow that had fallen in early summer melted. The unpleasant remaining wetness stayed on the playground, leaving only thick emotions behind.

“Damn it.”

I didn’t expect him to be a punk. Pretending to be all clean and proper, living like a rag. I felt disgusted at myself for paying attention to such a filthy bastard. That dirty satanic prick. A fourth-grade parasite living in a sewer.

My frustration didn’t go away even after finishing the meal. I didn’t even finish eating. I just left my tray somewhere on the table and stormed out. It was all because I saw that disgusting thing. Damn it.

****

Donggwan Han Junwoo. That name, which I had been ignoring since the beginning, stuck in my head. A name that kept being mentioned, despite me trying to dismiss it. The rumor was that if Go Yohan was in Seogwan, Han Junwoo was in Donggwan. Supposedly, someone of my level would be with him.

What the hell does “my level” mean? That such a filthy bastard would be associated with my name?

But others misunderstood my pure intentions as rivalry. This is a huge misunderstanding.

“Go Yohan finally asked me about Han Junwoo’s name. That bastard, last time he asked me about Han Sunwoo or An Woojun, right? That bastard who acted like he wasn’t interested finally asked about him? You look a little threatened, huh? That bastard looks unusual.”

Recently, Kim Minho had started going wild. He kept mentioning a name I didn’t want to hear, and he was acting obnoxious in front of me. Now he was waving his dirty hand in front of my face, and it was getting out of control. But as soon as I saw Han Junwoo, the certainty I had came rushing back, and I shut my mouth. I was so embarrassed. I was angry that I had such thoughts when I saw that bastard, and I couldn’t endure it.

“Anyway, that bastard’s flashy. Han Junwoo. They say he drops his pants as soon as he sees a woman. They say he’s been having sex before his dick even had hair? His style’s flashy as hell too. The bastard’s a pro at all kinds of sex. Doggy, reverse, scissors—he’s a master at banging women.”

“Does he even have enough sperm left?”

“Look at the bastard’s face. Huh? Ah, fuck. I don’t usually admit these things, but damn, that bastard’s good-looking. Even if he’s not strong, I’d still fuck that face. He probably bent his soft clay and shoved it in.”

“Ah. Fuck. I imagined it. Must hurt like hell.”

Shoving clay into that face? What a crazy bastard……. Looking at him, he was just a perverted asshole with a ton of flaws. Han Junwoo, that bastard. That shameless bastard had messed with me. I definitely made eye contact with him. But he ignored me and acted like he was fiddling with his damn spoon. It was on purpose. It was on purpose.

Let me make this clear. Whether that bastard was looking at me or not, and why he was looking at me. I couldn’t stand the curiosity. No, he was looking at me. As long as I confirm that he was looking at my face, that’s enough. It’s now third-period break. I just need to wait for one more class to end. Once the class finishes, I’ll go down just like I did last time. Then I’ll catch him looking at me.

Then? If I see it? Then what? ……I’ll smash his fucking face in. For making me think such things about him. That bastard who walks around like a goddamn animal while having the nerve to mention my name.

“Yohan, you’ve got your own shit to do, right? Don’t you think you should go on a bathroom tour for the sake of your reputation?”

“Did you just get ignored? He just straight-up dissed you, Kim Minho. That’s so fucking pathetic.”

“What the hell do you mean he dissed me? Huh? Huh, look at this bastard. Ah, fuck. You’re making me lose my mind, you know that? Huh? Hey, hey! You son of a bitch, what the hell do you think I am?”

“Hey, hey! Move. The bell rang.”

“You two-faced bastard. Don’t shake your fucking ass around. Stop shaking! When the teacher comes, leave. Huh? Hey, you want to sit next to me for class today? Ahh, ahh!”

“Stop fucking around and get lost. Ah! Move! Let go! I need to go to my seat!”

Now, just one more class. Exactly one class left.

I twisted my neck. With a cracking sound, a sense of relief washed over me. Ah, finally, my head’s working again. Yeah, that bastard’s face wasn’t bad. But I’ve always hated those kinds of assholes. Those bastards who stick their heads into every hole with their light asses. I need to see that face crumble somehow. That’s the only way I’ll feel relieved.

Class? I didn’t hear a thing. The only sound that reached me was the ticking of time. It was the same old, unbelievable, but not surprising thing. The sound of time passing was exactly like the sound of pages turning. My pages are covered in yellow highlighter, though. Fuck, now the ink’s not coming out.

“I’ll let you out 5 minutes early today. Wait a bit, and when the bell rings, get out.”

As soon as the English teacher finished speaking, I threw the highlighter. It seemed to fall somewhere below the floor, but I didn’t care. I spread my fingers and placed my hand on the desk. The yellow ink smeared between my middle and index fingers bothered me.

"Yohan, do you want to leave early today? Let’s leave one minute before. No need to listen to this English crap."

I nodded at the words I didn’t even know who said.

English class wasn’t even trying to keep us in check. They were just delivering the scheduled time as a formality. Only five minutes. Every time I thought about that bastard in those five minutes, the vivid memory started to fade.

He looked fucking tiny. A loser, smaller than average, talking about sex. Crazy. Who the fuck does he think he is? One punch and he’d start bawling like a bitch.

A rough hand grabbed my shoulder. Normally, I’d ask what the hell was going on, but I just numbly stood up and followed. Go Yohan, run! Strangely, today, the pigs were grinning and running through the hallway with heavy steps, their feet pounding the ground. I’ve always hated this. I hated the way

«N.o.v.e.l.i.g.h.t»

they buzz around like fucking flies over food. Maybe that’s why. Every time I ran down the stairs, my heart pounded harder.

“Shit, it’s first-come, first-served today! We’re having pork ribs! You guys know the drill, right? Whoever takes the smallest bowl is dead. Got it?”

When I arrived at the cafeteria, there were barely thirty people left. I quickly scanned the faces, but Han Junwoo wasn’t there. Nowhere. Gone. Really. My heartbeats, which had been pounding so wildly, gradually slowed and quieted down as if nothing had ever happened. Fuck, then why did I even rush here?

In fact, I didn’t need to come at all just to confirm that bastard was watching me.

“Shit.”

I roughly shook my head. What the hell am I doing, running here like a pig? The disgusting smell of food mixed in the air slowly brought me back to my senses. I lost my appetite.

As soon as I raised my hand to grab the meal tray, I saw the yellow ink smeared on it. In that moment, I fell into the water of “reality awareness.”

“What the hell did I just do?”

“So what! What are you doing? Hey, hey, hey! Don’t block the way, just serve the food. Can’t you see the others can’t eat? The 3rd years will be here soon, hurry up and take a seat, huh? Damn, you’re so rude. You should be like me and take it fast. Real fast.”

“Shit, when did Kim Minho get here?” That bastard had already filled his tray with steamed dishes, and right behind him, Kim Seokmin was greedily scooping food onto his tray. Watching the pathetic sight made me even more disgusted. I almost felt like throwing up, so I stuck my tongue out and turned my body away.

“I’m not eating lunch.”

“Hey, you fucking bastard! Don’t come near me! You wanna get beaten up, huh?”

“……Minho, isn’t that a bit too much?”

The neat wire in my head twisted instantly. I’ve felt it before, but Kim Minho, that bastard—always acting like he’s so high and mighty. Friends shouldn’t be hurting each other. He speaks like he’s above everyone else, especially when he’s talking down to someone lower than him, and he likes to subtly lift up Han Junwoo… He’s fucking disgusting.

“Yeah, you, you bastard. I even set a seat for you. What? You’re not eating?”

“Minho.”

I turned around and walked straight up to Kim Minho. The fact that we’re the same height already annoyed me, and his shitty manners and tone made it worse.

“I’ve been thinking since the beginning of the semester, why the hell do you talk like that? You’re hurting everyone with your words.”

Friends should get along, you asshole. Though, I’m not even his friend.

I moved closer until our foreheads almost touched. Kim Minho’s warmth was unpleasant, but the pleasure of watching his eyes slowly die down made the disgust bearable. I grabbed the edge of his meal tray with my yellow-inked hand and pulled it downward.

“……”

“……”

The hand clutching the tray couldn’t handle my strength and wobbled. The tilted tray spilled hot soup and stained his shirt, which looked like it hadn’t been washed in days, with brown. It must have been hot. I found that amusing, and my lips curled up. I stared at Kim Minho without blinking. The eyes that had been glaring out of spite trembled once, and his gaze dropped.

Ah, what an idiot. Only then did I openly raise the corners of my lips and flicked his meal tray with my finger. Watching the soup slosh out was even more fun than dodging it awkwardly.

“No matter how much we’re friends, you have to show some respect. What the hell are you saying? Making people feel bad, you asshole.”

“If you’re not going to eat, you should’ve said so beforehand… You bastard…”

“Why should I? Are you my mom?”

I couldn’t believe it. Why? Kim Minho mumbled something in response to my words. But, is it even worth listening to? I’ve already said everything I needed to say. I did my part for the greater good. Wow, I just did something really good. This is definitely an event worthy of going to heaven. When you do something good, it feels good.

I stepped back with a light heart and grabbed some spinach-like side dish from Kim Minho’s tray with my unwashed hand. I grabbed it with a good heart. I was doing him a favor—telling him to watch his diet. Yellow ink-covered fingers tangled with the green dish. I carefully placed it on top of the ribs and stirred it a little. The oil on my fingers was wiped onto Kim Minho’s school uniform.

There’s nothing more amusing than watching a face crumble. Who the hell was throwing a tantrum about being hit? Minho.

“Today, just have plain rice and kimchi. You’re about to get foot-and-mouth disease. You know I said that out of kindness, right? Love you.”

“Hey, you fucking bastard, hey, you asshole, you think I can’t eat this shit?”

“Are you really going to eat this? Wow, our Minho isn’t just any pig, huh. You’re quite the pig, huh? Eating everything, even your own kind. What, is there some of your little brother’s meat here too?”

“Huh? Huh! Huh! There is! Eat it! You bastard! Eat it! I’ll eat it! Eat it!”

“Alright. Enjoy your meal.”

He’s so sensitive. But it’s fine. He looks apologetic, so I’ll generously forgive him. Where can you find someone as kind as me? I’m so nice. I wiped my hands again on Kim Minho’s uniform and turned my steps. Someone with a vague impression, someone I’d played with a few times, suddenly spoke up.

“Go Yohan, you’re really not eating?”

“Yeah. Not eating……”

Still, since we were in the same class, I thought I should answer. That’s when it happened.

I made eye contact. Really. This time, for sure. A white bird flowing through the black water was staring at me. Among the 3rd years gathered, Han Junwoo was there. His double eyelids, which seemed slightly swollen compared to yesterday, fluttered and then disappeared.

“……”

Someone around me is definitely talking to me. What did they say? Why was he looking at me?

How did that bastard look like that? Every time he blinked, the thick double eyelids clearly stood out, his long white neck, the soft-moving plump lips, his white face contrasting with his jet-black hair, his hands occasionally covered by his clothes, his thin fingers, his protruding cheeks when he moved—everything about him was strange and peculiar. Fuck, how the hell does a person look like that?

His black gaze swept over me for a long moment. Then, pretending not to care, he turned his head. And as soon as his back was completely to me, the noise of the crowd flooded over my head.

“……”

Boom. The sound of the meal tray crashing against the dishes. The herd of pigs rushing past me. Someone shoved me from behind, and my body staggered. Oh shit. I quickly looked up and checked the time. It had been 15 minutes since lunch started.

Am I crazy? Why the hell am I acting like I’m on the verge of dementia? Oh, right. I had dementia.

“Uh……”

Why did teenage Go Yohan fall down the stairs late at night? Thanks to that, the back of my head was squished like tofu. The Go Yohan before that was brilliant, though. Now he’s like a millipede with thousands of legs. A red centipede that died floating in toilet water.

Han Junwoo tapped the shoulder of the guy standing in front of him. What’s he doing? Just a guy with the same damn thing hanging between his legs...

At the same time, he glanced at me. It was just for a brief moment, but I definitely saw it. His eyes weren’t big or small, but his pupils were a light brown, glowing softly. And I read malice in that gaze. I don’t know what it was, why he looked at me like that, but it pissed me off.

Fuck, that bastard’s looking at me like that, and I’m getting looked at with those damn eyes?

****

Seventeen, late into the night, had become a habit. At this age, you don’t want to go home. I decided to call this time "the storm." After all, when I go home, no one’s going to look for me. So, of course, it makes sense to go where more people will be looking for me. That’s the logic.

Classmates introduced me to people I don’t even remember the names of. It was one-time friendship. I kind of liked it, and it wasn’t uncomfortable. Deep friendships? I hate those. Eventually, everyone’s going to hate me. It’s obvious. That’s just the way I am.

So, after having a random conversation and hanging out, my mood suddenly soured, and I came back. There’s a moment when their eyes change. That’s when my conversation is over.

On the way home, the sun had already set, and the dark night was settling in. The neighborhood to the left of the school. As I passed, I made a stop at an old four-story building that looked just like me. It hadn’t been rented for a long time, and the building, full of dust, was only filled with cigarette butts and soju bottles.

The door was locked with glass, but if you pulled the first-floor window, somewhere would always be open. Someone had been in and out. No elevator, just a random height. Even the fact that there was a bathroom in the half-basement seemed like something Go Yohan would do.

“Yohan. Public urination is a serious crime.”

Life’s shit, but I can’t let death be shit too. At least when I die, I should go to a happy place. They say heaven is where everyone is happy.