Honkai: Fire Moth Herrschers-Chapter 237: The Disparity

Midnight arrived, yet the streets grew livelier.

Plump reindeer pulled a plump Santa Claus, his ramen-noodle-like beard trembling with laughter as he turned, pulling woolen stockings filled with small gifts one after another from his sack and tossing them towards the sides of the street.

"Hey!" Kevin swiped his hand, effortlessly snatching the gift intended for a small boy standing on tiptoe, right before his eyes.

The little boy stared blankly for two seconds, then burst into tears with a "Waaah!"

Kevin, laughing boisterously, quickly pulled Mei's hand and fled.

Both were adults, quickly leaving the children behind. The exertion, perhaps catching their breath wrong, sent Mei into a fit of violent coughing.

Kevin supported her, standing under a streetlight, gently patting her back.

"Honestly, such a grown-up, still snatching gifts from kids." Mei's tone held a hint of helplessness, mixed with suppressed laughter.

"Men are boys until they die!" Kevin grinned, turning the woolen stocking upside down and shaking it. A packet of brown sugar gingerbread cookies fell out.

"Here, perfect. One for you, one for me." Kevin unwrapped the oil paper around the gingerbread, took one out first, and held it before Mei.

Under the dim streetlight, Mei's cheeks were flushed red by the cold wind. She shrunk her neck slightly, didn't reach out, but instead leaned forward and took the cookie from Kevin's hand with her mouth.

The cookies were probably homemade by the Santa cosplayer, only about the size of two coins. Kevin's thumb and forefinger held the cookie quite close to the edge, perhaps intentionally, perhaps not. Even careful as she was, Mei's lips could hardly avoid brushing against Kevin's fingers.

But compared to this peaceful, beautiful world, this small moment of intimacy was merely a bonus.

Kevin felt he should have burst into boisterous laughter, but for some reason, though his lips spread wide, his vocal cords felt constricted, unable to make a sound.

One or two specks of white abruptly appeared in his vision; snowflakes began to drift down from the night sky.

A few flakes landed on Mei's head. He gently brushed them away.

But suddenly, his movement froze.

Mei followed his gaze and turned. A nun had appeared behind her sometime ago.

She watched the two with pity in her eyes. Even on such a cold winter night, her attire remained thin.

She said nothing more, turned her vacant eyes towards Kevin, chuckled softly twice, then turned and melted back into the darkness.

"Aponia..." Kevin whispered the nun's name softly.

He couldn't tell if this Aponia... was the one he knew. What did she mean? Was she implying he should follow her?

Follow her... away from here?

How could that be possible...

"You know her?" Mei asked softly.

Kevin nodded, then shook his head.

"Let's go. We're almost home."

Michael slumped into a chair, legs crossed, hand rubbing the stubble on his chin. Through the glass pane, he quietly observed Sakura and Kevin in the hospital room beyond.

Neither had any physical injuries, but they were hooked up to IV drips, though containing only nutrient solution.

After a short while, sensing Aponia opening her eyes beside him, Michael turned his head as well, asking with undisguised worry:

"Failure?"

"How should I put it..." Aponia pursed her lips. "Those two... They both, more or less, realized they were in a dream."

"Can't wake up?" Michael raised an eyebrow.

"I'm afraid... they're unwilling to wake up."

Michael remained silent, stood up quietly, and walked into the hospital room.

He first went to Sakura's bedside. Honestly, as one of the only two people (the other being Vill-V) whose workload had increased rather than decreased after Anti-Entropy merged into Fire Moth, Michael hadn't paid this much attention to Sakura in a long time.

It felt as if, ever since she took on those so-called "dirty jobs," the threads of their fates began to diverge. Though running parallel, occasionally turning as if to intersect again, it always turned out to be merely an approach, quickly moving apart once more.

Michael couldn't help but recall the last time he'd seen her like this, so many years ago in R'lyeh...

So many years have passed already. Michael looked at Sakura and smiled faintly, his right hand clenching unconsciously.

Sakura's face was completely relaxed, a slight smile even gracing her lips. It gave Michael a strange thought—perhaps letting them rest like this for a while wouldn't be so bad...

Even if that happiness stemmed only from an illusory dream.

He then paced over to Kevin.

Compared to Sakura, his expression didn't seem quite as relaxed.

Aponia watched silently from the corner, seeming to anticipate Michael's question, answering softly:

"Compared to Sakura, Kevin realized it earlier... and more clearly."

"..." Michael sighed softly. The meaning was clear—Even you are unwilling to wake up?

Regarding the memories of the Eighth Honkai Eruption from the original timeline, he couldn't recall if Sakura had succumbed to such dreams, but Kevin clearly hadn't.

He remembered Elysia's words: "I always felt that you, actually... were the one among us most likely to be trapped in a dream."

But my dear brother Kevin... why can't you wake up now...

Michael's fist clenched tightly.

"Actually, this is quite normal," Aponia consoled from the side.

"Sweet dreams are like that. They always cater to one's deepest desires. When things unattainable in reality are easily obtained in a dream, even if you realize it's a dream, it's difficult to let go..."

"..."

Indeed, succumbing to a dream perhaps had little to do with maturity or weakness. The key lay in having obsessions, deep-seated ones.

And Sakura and Kevin, in a sense... no, which warrior didn't harbor deep obsessions?

Without that obsession, what was the reason for fighting?

Michael fell silent for a moment, then asked curiously, "Aponia, perhaps prying into others' privacy isn't good, but I still want to ask—Kevin and Sakura, what are their desires?"

"That... Spreading others' privacy isn't good either, so I won't tell you the specific dreams. Besides... their desires are identical, so simple it's almost unbelievable..."

"What is it?"

"A world without Honkai."

"...Can they be forcibly awakened?"

This time, it was Aponia who sighed. "Michael, you should know very well that I can do it. But you must also think clearly, is it necessary for me to do so right now?"

Michael turned to face the door of the room, silent.

The mind, after all, was something human civilization still couldn't fully comprehend... no, couldn't even claim to have begun researching. While other aspects involving Honkai could perhaps be explained using existing scientific frameworks, when it came to matters of the mind, the soul, humanity, despite possessing some authority, remained ignorant of its true nature.

Even Aponia was no exception.

So, yes, she could forcefully pull Kevin and Sakura out of the dream. But that action... how to describe it...

It was like pulling someone from a car wreck. You rush over, open the door, and pull. Their leg is stuck, but you keep pulling to save them. You finally get them out, but half their leg remains in the car.

This was different from Michael's situation back then. Michael's own consciousness had already awakened; the others merely assisted.

But now... forcibly awakening them, whether it would cause such trauma, Aponia herself wasn't sure. For ordinary people, it might be acceptable. But for MANTISes like Kevin and Sakura, whose minds were tougher than average, they were more likely to struggle, potentially causing damage.

And due to the inherent dangers of MANTISes, mental trauma would likely cause more harm than good. Michael had already proven that point.

"No matter. I just needed to know you can do it."

Leaving those words behind, Michael started walking out of the room. As he turned the doorknob, he suddenly looked back at Aponia:

"Aponia, you... do you know their original fate?"

Aponia shook her head. "By the time I met them, their fate had already been altered by your interference. So naturally, I cannot say that the earliest fate I saw for them was their original form."

By the time she finished speaking, Michael had already left.

Michael rubbed his head, finding the situation rather ironic.

What Kevin could achieve in the original history, his current counterpart couldn't. And the culprit, in a way, was Michael himself.

Because the original Kevin's growth could be roughly divided into four stages. The first two were the Third Honkai Eruption, joining Fire Moth as a soldier, and then the Sixth and Seventh Eruptions, where his hesitation implicated an entire street of people, and to overcome that hesitation, he ruthlessly killed his comrade.

No one becomes an adult overnight. Growth is invariably built upon heart-wrenching pain. But for the current Kevin, the most significant blow he should have suffered was half shouldered by Michael, and the other half altered, never occurring.

So, what that Kevin could do, this Kevin couldn't.

Was this good or bad...? Michael thought silently.

"Let's consider it good for now. Growth isn't something to be forced... If I can do no worse than him, letting him remain a sunny big boy, isn't that good?"

Click—

The mechanical door slid open. Michael turned left out the door and leaned his back against the wall.

"Mei isn't here yet?" he asked, his voice deliberately gentle.

"Sigh... Who knows what she's thinking. Kevin's like this, but she just sent a communication. Hearing Kevin is essentially just asleep, she didn't seem too worried." Elysia tilted her head, shrugging.

"Perhaps she has more important things to do." This wasn't just a casual remark from Michael. Mei's workload was increasing—plan after plan, version after version. To cope, she had even initiated an upgrade plan for Prometheus... This would obviously make her even busier in the short term. So, she hadn't interfered much with the Te Moana Kino operation; Michael was fully responsible.

Perhaps... this was Mei's absolute rationality.

Michael understood it now.

If anything, he felt a bit guilty. After all, her boyfriend ended up like this during an operation under his command.

But Michael didn't show it. Since the events two years ago concluded, he rarely let his emotions show—perhaps Mei also thought this was Michael's rationality.

Wearing a mask was tiring. The only consolation, perhaps, was that at least in front of certain people, he could lift a corner of the mask, catch his breath slightly.

But when he turned to look at Elysia, he found her unusually silent today.

He just stared blankly at Elysia's profile until she awkwardly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, also using her hand to shield her expression.

"Don't look at me like that!"

"Ely, you..."

Elysia took a deep breath and interrupted him:

"Perhaps... I should apologize to you."

"Eh?" Michael paused, then recited the excuse he'd already prepared for her:

"You killed Mahamayuri, that's enough. Facing a Herrscher plus an Emperor-class Honkai Beast, both with psychic abilities, killing one and injuring the other is already quite difficult."

"I know all that... I just wanted to say sorry to you..." She suddenly, boldly, linked her arm with Michael's—though they had reconciled in a way long ago, Michael still couldn't shake off his guilt when facing her, let alone be intimate. And later, as Michael consciously put on his mask, such an affectionate gesture was truly the first in two years.

Michael's body stiffened slightly, but mostly out of confusion—

"Sorry? You don't need to say that to me..." He truly couldn't think of anything Elysia needed to apologize for.

Elysia fell silent for a moment, then gathered her courage and confessed:

"The Eighth Herrscher... maybe she wasn't... I can't tell. Did I genuinely miss the chance to kill her because I was affected by her psychic attack, or was it... simply my own hesitation..."

"No, I don't think it counts like that." Michael thought she was blaming herself for failing to kill the Eighth Herrscher. While somewhat unexpected, it was understandable.

Although in Michael's memory, the Eighth Herrscher was a weakling useless except for inducing dreams... after Su found her hiding place, even Su, a psychic-sensitive MANTIS unsuited for direct combat, could easily torture and kill her... Of course, the most tragic part was—she was the only Herrscher captured alive.

But since Michael's existence had already changed so much, even completely altering the Seventh Honkai Eruption, it wasn't surprising if the Eighth Herrscher's close-combat abilities were enhanced.

However... clearly, that wasn't what Elysia actually meant.

"No... Michael, don't speak yet." Elysia pressed her full weight against him, finally resting her head tilted on his shoulder. Michael appropriately bent his knees slightly to make her more comfortable.

"If I hadn't held back at all, the Eighth Herrscher would never have escaped from me. It's just that I can't say for sure whether my hesitation in that instant was truly my own, or the Herrscher's psychic attack... Of course, from a third party's perspective, the latter sounds more like an excuse to shift blame, right?"

Hearing this, how could Michael not understand her meaning?

But before he could speak, Elysia cut him off again:

"Michael, do you remember our conversation before the Second Honkai Eruption began?"

Over twelve years, they had exchanged countless words, but Michael quickly found the specific segment Elysia meant amidst the complex memories—

"If... if this is the Second Honkai Eruption, don't you have anything you want to say?"

"Hey! What's with that eager expression?"

"Mm-hmm? You can't guess! Of course, I'm thinking about beating this one awake too! Just like I beat you awake back then!"

Michael sighed. He knew it was this.

"The reason I need to apologize is because... before truly facing it, I never imagined how mentally agonizing it would be to kill a Herrscher with human consciousness—after all, they look just like humans, just like us... And then, I keep reminding myself internally, maybe there's a way to save them... I'm sorry, I didn't realize before what you had to face... Especially when you faced Seele..."

"This is quite troublesome..."

Elysia's arm tightened around his. Michael could feel his elbow sinking into softness. He didn't know if Elysia noticed, but for him, the fleeting romantic thought was extinguished as soon as it arose.

Only then did he realize that, due to the so-called information gap, his mentality when facing Herrschers was completely different from Elysia's and the others'.

For himself, because he already knew the Previous Era Herrschers couldn't possess humanity, unless the Herrscher was an acquaintance, he felt little psychological burden when delivering the killing blow.

But for others...

A hunter might easily kill prey, a butcher might easily kill livestock, but if asked to turn their weapons against humans, at least half couldn't strike without hesitation.

For Elysia, it meant even more—she was also a Herrscher...

This reality, far from fading with each defeated Herrscher, became increasingly clear.

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Both the original Elysia and the current one held an obsession, incomprehensible to others, with the fantastical idea of "Herrschers regaining their humanity."

However, different life experiences led to vast disparities.

The original Elysia had neither a Core nor powers. She didn't know if she was a Herrscher, human, or Honkai Beast. For a long time, she only knew she was different, without knowing why.

Moreover, reality offered no time for contemplation. Watching beings similar to herself killed by humans, even by herself, must have filled her with fear. Yet, fear wasn't negative for her; it even spurred her growth.

Later, upon discovering Kevin developed psychological issues after killing Himeko (PE), she chose to secretly undergo the Meta-Morph surgery alone (though whether she actually did remains unconfirmed). This wasn't out of "competitiveness," but similar to Mei's later choice—she wanted stronger power so the humans she cared about wouldn't have to face such choices.

As for awakening Herrscher humanity, though she never gave up hope, lacking precedents, the final outcome only brought disappointment.

But the Elysia leaning against Michael now was the opposite. The first "kin" she encountered had successfully regained humanity, leading her to believe from the start that having Herrschers fight for humanity, while perhaps not simple, wasn't impossible.

Because she started with high expectations, she was more susceptible to setbacks, especially when facing a Herrscher seemingly possessing human consciousness.

And now, merely due to someone's interference, the hesitation she should have faced and overcome during the Sixth Honkai Eruption had been delayed until now.

"..." Michael lowered his head silently. From a short-term perspective, easing her mind was simple. Michael just needed to tell her some truths, like how Herrschers in this era generally had no chance of regaining humanity...

Since the possibility didn't exist from the start, her heart should feel better, right...

Yes, sorrow often stems from the vast disparity between reality and illusion.

It's like buying lottery tickets. Finding no matching numbers on draw day versus matching all numbers except the last one creates completely different levels of disappointment.

"Ely, there's something I never told you..." Michael naturally slid his hand across her back, resting it on her waist.

He pondered how to phrase it. Explaining "Herrschers of this era cannot regain humanity" required explaining how he knew.

Should he push it onto Aponia again, or, like the interrupted resolution that night two years ago, reveal the entire truth?

Calculating carefully, time is running out...

Michael made his decision.

"Actually, I..."

"Good evening! Ely, Michael."

A sudden greeting interrupted the words about to leave Michael's lips. The two instinctively pulled apart slightly... after all, they were past the age of constantly showing affection in front of others, nor was it necessary anymore.

However, Michael still held her hand, lightly tracing something on her palm with his index finger, like a childhood game.

"Oh my, my dear Eden, you certainly know how to pick your moments!" Elysia hooked her right arm around Eden's, pulling her close too, effectively achieving embraces on both sides.

Michael glanced over. Eden looked somewhat haggard. It seemed that since her final concert two years ago, her state had devolved into two modes: drunk Eden and not-drunk Eden.

Eden, unusually, didn't respond to Elysia's banter. She shook her head:

"Ely, I'm just here to relieve you."

"Relieve? What do you mean?"

Before Elysia could express surprise, Michael's communicator beeped first. Mei's face appeared on the projection screen.

"Assemble immediately? Lab 2? Isn't that the Fifth Science Department's... Aponia needs to go too? Okay, on our way."