I Am The Heroine's Father: The Cannon Fodder's Ascent-Chapter 52: Cost of Loving-Locked outta Heaven

He grew more naive, soft, and idealistic, just like her. Alya was literally parasiting him with her kindness and hope.

She didn't even know how she became his wife, and that a woman like her had to die because of her happiness. Johan was beginning to regret every tragedy he had caused, including that one.

He couldn't turn back time to change that but—

He became kinder, even to his enemies, and almost never killed in these golden years of his life.

Johan kneeled on the ground, embracing Alya in a tight hug, her eyes widened at the sudden hug but she returned it gently, she just felt that Johan craved the same thing as her, love. It felt good, his warmth entered her body as her his, even with all the crying all around them it felt... peaceful, and beautiful.

'Even at this moment, she felt hopeful, everything will be fine... everything will be fine...'

"...Johny!?" she felt a sharp burning pain in her chest, her eyes filled with horror as she looked down shaking all over her body.

A shiny black hilt, she hurriedly turned her head, a bright white beautiful blade completely inside her heart—passing through it, crushing it in process.

"Cough!"

She coughed a pool of blood as Johan twisted the blade slowly, as if trying to cause as much pain as possible, his eyes sorrowful but firm.

"We will be together. Forever." Johan's gaze turned down. Thousands and thousands of golden magic circles manifested out of thin air, slowly turning black after making contact with Alya's body.

Alya screamed, wailed, even louder than the soldiers and animals burning all around them, but the black circles slowly absorbed her, like a sponge.

"Why!? WHy!? Did I make a mistake? Please I am sorry! Please, please... please don't... leave me..." She wasn't begging for her life, she couldn't care less about something as trivial as her life, but...

Johan stared quietly, saying in a whisper to himself. "I-I don't think I will ever love again..."

Her screams, her smile, her perfect body, everything vanished, slowly but surely.

At the end she even stopped crying, just deeply staring at Johan as if wanting to etch his cold face in her eyes.

Johan did not move his eyes even for a second, staring deeply at her green pupils as if they were the most beautiful thing in the world...

Her eyes closed, filled with unshed tears, she didn't even know what was happening, why was everyone chasing, and why, why was Johan doing this.

A half moon started manifesting on Johan's forehead, it grew brighter and brighter as the black magic circles and Alya dimmed and dimmed, as if disappearing out of existence, until the mark fully materialized.

The area went silent. A tense silence that even made the heartbeat sound like a drum beat.

Johan sat there, getting into lotus position, leaning forward as he gave up on maintaining his perfect posture that he maintained for so long.

He scratched the ground, digging his nails—filling them with wet mud, a mud wet with Alya's fresh blood from the recent wounds.

He played with the blood, as if he could remake Alya out of it, touching like it was the most beautiful thing in the world, rubbing it all over his white face.

His throat tightened.

'It's fine. I can just—move on.'

He said it aloud, just to hear something. But the words fell flat. Dry. Dead. Like everything else.

He closed his eyes.

And for a moment... he tried to remember why he even did this.

'Why he gave up on her, the world, the happiness, the comfort of her warmth. There could've definitely been a way to save her.'

'Why did he think Alya would want that? Who was he to decide that? He could do something worthwhile? He could save everyone and do something good for once... why?'

A laugh choked out of him.

'God, how arrogant he had been...'

All those nights. Selene. Lying to Kirin and Sebastian. Killing more than a hundred thousand innocent people in all this mess.

All that hope for becoming a better person—

Burned, just like the forest and those innocent soldiers.

Erased, just like her smiling face.

He was a scum. He is a scum. He will be a scum.

The tears didn't start loud.

They didn't scream.

They weren't dramatic.

They leaked.

Like something inside him had cracked, and now the slow poison was dripping out. A hot trickle down one cheek. Then the other.

His shoulders hunched.

His fingers curled into his palms. He tried to speak again, trying to tell himself it was fine.

But the words broke in his throat—splintered into ugly, shivering breaths.

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He cried.

Not like a man. Not like a great Royal. Not like a warrior.

Not with restraint, or dignity, or any of the masks he usually wore.

He cried like a boy who had been strong for too long. Like someone who had finally run out of ways to pretend.

He sobbed into his hands — soundless and vibrating.

The kind of sobs that left your stomach twisted and your chest hollow, like you were just about to have a heart attack.

The kind that made you forget how to breathe.

The kind of cry you don't come back from the same.

Sounds of hands clapping rang loudly.

"That was a job well done, I am honestly impressed 'Johny'." Radhaan's mocking voice rang, he was followed by a purple-haired man who in contrast to grinning Radhaan looked emotional.

Only a single person in the entire world had ever called Johan Johny, and Radhaan was clearly enjoying that this was the last time he would hear that, from his mouth.

"Is my seal sufficient or should I provide some reinforcement?" Velmire asked respectfully, his head bowed.

Johan didn't speak, just stared coldly at Radhaan and Velmire, "Is my father dead?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Of course, I fed him to my dogs too!" Radhaan said enthusiastically, closing in on Johan whose face was covered in tears, patting his shoulders aggressively.

His voice rang again, much more mocking this time, leaning his face just beside Johan's ear, whispering softly, "You will be the new patriarch of the House Matilda, replace the Divine General your sister killed. Kirin, Selene, Theo, Diana, all are fine... for now, I hope you do your best to 'protect' them,"