L*ck Me If You Can-Chapter 119

The room was still. So quiet, in fact, that Koi feared he might hear the faint drip of medication from Ashley’s IV. The silence stretched so long that even his own breathing felt too loud. He sat motionless, staring down at Ashley.

In his mind, the secretary’s words wouldn’t stop echoing.

Why are you unaffected?

You’re still a beta. No signs of secondary gender manifestation at all.

Maybe you don’t actually like Ashley Miller.

That’s not true.

Tears welled up in Koi’s eyes again. What do you know? What could you possibly know?

That’s why your body is rejecting it—because you don’t really want Ashley Miller.

No. That’s not it.

Ashley Miller is the only one who’s ever liked you.

That’s not why. I like Ash.

I really do—because he’s Ashley.

You don’t know anything...

“Hh—hic...”

More tears spilled over, and Koi bit his lip, rubbing at his eyes. He tried to hold it back, but the sobs kept escaping.

He wiped his eyes again and again—until a faint groan reached his ears. He froze.

Startled, he quickly wiped away the remaining tears and looked up. Ashley’s brow was furrowed, a groan slipping from his lips. He was regaining consciousness.

Koi tensed instinctively, bracing his shoulders and waiting for Ashley’s eyes to open. After a few seconds, Ashley slowly lifted his eyelids.

Koi held his breath, watching him blink a few times, trying to focus his vision. Finally, Ashley turned his gaze and their eyes met—and Koi forgot to breathe altogether.

“...Koi.”

Ashley whispered hoarsely, his voice dry and low. As he gave a faint smile, Koi’s eyes immediately began to brim with tears again.

“Koi.”

This time, Ashley said his name more clearly, his brows pulling together.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Koi couldn’t answer. He bowed his head. He wiped at his eyes quickly, but the tears kept coming, overflowing no matter what.

“Koi...”

Ashley reached a hand toward him, but stopped mid-motion. Realizing the IV in his arm, he followed the line to the drip bag above him and went silent. His memories slowly returned. He began to understand what had happened.

“...Bill. What happened to him?”

His voice was lower now. Koi sniffled and tried to steady his voice.

“He’s... okay. He went to the hospital. They gave him a shot to flush out the pheromones.”

“...I see.”

A long sigh slipped from Ashley’s lips. Koi looked at him with red, swollen eyes. Lying there in the bed, Ashley looked more exhausted than he ever had before.

“What about you? Are you okay, Ash?”

Koi’s voice kept breaking from leftover sobs. Ashley waited a beat before replying.

“...I want to say I’m okay, but... I’m really not.”

He gave a bitter smile that quickly vanished from his face.

“And you? Are you okay?”

He realized how stupid the question sounded the moment it left his mouth. Koi hadn’t manifested. Again.

Bill had vomited and passed out.

And yet...

Koi understood what Ashley was thinking. It wasn’t hard to tell just by looking at his face. Even Koi—who was always the slow one—had noticed it.

“I’m fine.”

This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.

Koi clenched his jaw to keep his voice steady and forced a smile.

“I didn’t manifest.”

Ashley paused, then gave a short nod.

“Good. That’s... good.”

He tried to smile again after saying the words, but it didn’t come easily. His head told him to stay calm, to think rationally—but inside, everything was a mess.

Why was Koi so unaffected?

Maybe he’s subconsciously rejecting you.

The secretary’s voice echoed again, rising uninvited in his head. All the things she said, the things that had haunted him, came flooding back.

Maybe Koi doesn’t truly love me.

He knew he shouldn’t doubt it. But he couldn’t help it. The question kept creeping in.

Koi, why won’t you manifest?

No—there’s no way she’s right. They loved each other. They had to. Koi not manifesting didn’t mean his feelings weren’t real. That would be the worst assumption.

Koi would be happier as a beta.

It was true. Ashley would have to live the rest of his life constantly battling his own pheromones. Koi, as a beta, would never fully understand that. Probably never could.

They were too different now.

If Koi were an omega, maybe he’d understand the suffering, even a little.

Ashley knew Koi was trying—he could feel that. But no matter how hard he tried, he’d never fully get it. Not as long as he remained a beta. They’d keep drifting further apart, failing to understand each other more and more.

How many more times could Koi forgive this side of him?

If you truly love someone, you have to know when to let go. That’s what it means to be an adult. Not that you’d know.

“...That woman was right.”

Ashley’s voice was so quiet that Koi didn’t catch it at first.

“Huh? What did you say?”

He hastily wiped his eyes and looked up. Ashley stared at him with a devastated expression.

Koi was crying—because of him.

Ashley couldn’t stand that.

“I shouldn’t be with you.”

Koi’s eyes widened. He stared at him, speechless. Ashley kept going.

“If I really cared about you, I’d let you go. You’re a beta. I’m an alpha. You didn’t manifest, but I did.”

Saying it aloud made it feel even more painful. Speaking the reality of how far they’d drifted apart—it was torture.

“Every time I go into rut, you’ll be in danger. One day, I might go crazy from someone else’s scent and hurt you. I can’t risk that. I should leave you. I know that. But...”

Ashley bit his lip before he could say more. Koi watched as Ashley’s chest slowly rose and fell with a shaky breath. And then—he whispered, voice trembling.

“But I can’t. I can’t do it.”

“Ash...”

“I can’t break up with you.”

He knew she was right. He knew he was wrong. He knew it was time to give up.

But he couldn’t.

If Koi was gone—if he disappeared from his life—

Would he survive it?

“Koi, please don’t leave me.”

Finally, Ashley grabbed Koi’s arm, clinging to him desperately.

“Don’t leave me, Koi...”

Why didn’t you manifest? No—why did I have to?

If we’d both stayed betas... if only...

None of this would be happening.

“Ash!”

Koi called his name in panic, but Ashley didn’t hear it. He was already lost to fear.

I’m going to lose it.

These pheromones are going to swallow me whole.

“I’m scared.”

Ashley’s entire body trembled. His wide-open eyes shuddered, violet irises shaking violently.

Maybe I already ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ have.

Maybe my brain melted and I just didn’t realize it.

Maybe this is all a delusion.

Maybe I’m dreaming all of this in the middle of a breakdown.

Unable to fight the fear anymore, Ashley clutched his head with both hands.

“I’m scared...”

“Ash.”

Koi looked at him with a pale face. Reaching out with trembling hands, he touched Ashley’s body—and felt him shaking too. Koi leaned in, gently, and hugged him tightly. Feeling Koi’s warmth, Ashley immediately wrapped his arms around him.

For a long moment, they stayed like that, exchanging body heat. Ashley’s trembling gradually subsided, but he didn’t let go.

Koi wanted to comfort him—say something to ease his mind—but no words came. Nothing he could say would reach Ashley. No matter what he said, Ashley wouldn’t believe it.

It’ll be okay.

I’ll stay by your side, always.

I understand your pain.

None of it meant anything. They were empty words, lacking the weight of reality. He couldn’t say them.

How could he ease Ashley’s fear?

Maybe you don’t actually like Ashley Miller.

No.

As that voice echoed again in his ears, Koi clung to Ashley even harder. Somehow—he would prove it. Prove his love.

“...Do you still have that two dollars I gave you?”

Koi asked quietly, after a long silence. Ashley didn’t respond at first, then slowly nodded. Koi exhaled a shaky breath and forced himself to speak.

“The reason I... lost my sense of smell...”

Ashley’s body tensed.

Koi took a deep breath. His voice wavered as he continued.

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“There was an accident. When I was a kid... a car accident.”