Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]-Chapter 48: Shrivelled Forget-me-not — V

Gone in the misery was he whom flames had sired, gone in the agony of loss was he whom the flames had empowered.

Scorching ambers was his beginning, would the same flames be his end? That was yet to be known.

Though, as far as anyone knew, it was simply not possible. It was in the nature of fiery embers to be destructive but to be warm, inviting and loving.

It is warmth like a gentle embrace of a mother a few would never know.

In spite of the destruction it wrought, the pain it inflicted, at its core fire was a warm phenomenon.

How could it bear to incinerate its own, its creation, with its own flames? That was simply unimaginable.

Unlike the coldness of water.

Water was gentle, the water was enduring. But at its very core, water was always much more destructive, much more ruthless than any fire could ever be.

It was in its nature. Cruelty and coldness. Indifference and agony.

How else could it bear to slay its own creation? Its own progeny? How else would its unforgiving waves crash against the wounded person of its own beloved child?

Hu Lijing sobbed, huddled to himself as he shuddered.

Water was a cruel thing. It was cold, it was warm, saline and deceptively gentle as it streamed down the pallor of his cheeks.

Water was cold. It was indifferent.

It had taken away the life of the man it had created with its very core.

It had not hesitated. Why could fire not be the same?

The amber-haired man’s teeth chartered together, eyes squeezed shut as his wails dissolved to sobs, sobs quietning to pitiful sniffled, pathetic whimpers akin to that of a lost child abandoned by his parents.

Except in Hu Lijing’s case, his parents — the flames of life, of destruction — refused to abandon him until the very end.

It refused to reclaim him, turn him into cinders, just the way his creator had done.

Hu Lijing rolled on his back, puffy red eyes fluttering open to look up at the beautiful sky, the warm sun.

None of which he truly did deserve.

Surrounding him, the embers burned bright, scalding even, had he not been who he was. His body shook, it trembled, but he remained still, despondency settling itself in his marrows.

The flames danced around him, warm and familiar in the way he knew—it echoed in the vaults of his soul. Orange and red, it licked his limbs, flickered around his green robes as he breathed shallowly.

It was warm. He hated it. His body felt cold, his soul freezing as he drew borrowed breath. Stolen breath, how dare he steal his fate?

Hu Lijing hissed, breathing through clenched teeth as he covered his face with his arm and suppressed a new bout of sobs that threatened to overwhelm him.

One leg folded slightly, the amber-haired man lost himself in memories of his past, unknowing of anything going around himself.

Daunting emptiness thrummed within him, its void growing larger and larger the longer he refused to go back to that place.

Guilt, self-loathing, derision swirled into an ugly mixture, turning into a hideous entity who reared its head from time to time.

Today was one such time.

Hu Lijing gasped, sniffles of forbearance, the cold caress of breeze and bitter warmth of his own uncontrollably burning flames surrounded him. He couldn’t tell if he was in hell, roasting in flames or by the sea, breeze kissing his skin.

He didn’t know. He didn’t think he wanted to know.

He wished he would close his eyes and just... Disappear. Somehow shrink into nothingness and return to being the ball of Qi he had been before turning into a damned soul.

His life was damned, his destiny even more so. His past a ruinous kingdom built upon dunes of crumbling sand and his present a swamp without flowers.

Only poison, just poison, nothing more.

He was nothing but a thieving vermin who stole the life he was undeserving of. Now he was suffering instead of being dead.

With a shallow inhale, Hu Lijing shuddered and swallowed a whimper as he buried his face in the crook of his elbow and once again, curled up to himself.

Why did he have to live? What did he ever do to deserve life?!

While the amber-haired man was lost in his self-loathing, out of nowhere, a cold splash of water fell on him, abruptly.

The cold liquid extinguished the flames surrounding him, the embers disappearing with a loud sizzle.

When the cold water touched his body, drenching him, Hu Lijing gasped and abruptly sat up, swiftly wiping away the remnants of tears that washed his face.

There was only one other person who knew about this place and could be bothered to chase him all to this point.

A tall shadow loomed over him, dark and sullen as Hu Lijing sat with his head bowed, not knowing how to bring himself to face the person.

"You goddamn fox bastard—!" Indignantly, Li Xinyuan cursed, hands resting on his hips as he looked down at Hu Lijing. "Were you trying to burn yourself to death?" The thought had Li Xinyuan’s voice cracking.

Hu Lijing bowed his head lower, lips pursed and eyes half-lidded as he sat in silence, cool droplets of water hanging on his fringes.

At his silence, Li Xinyuan didn’t know what to say. His breath came in stutters as he dropped on his knees beside Hu Lijing and asked, his voice small, like that of a scared child.

"What... What were you trying to do?" He whispered, not daring to move any closer to the despondent man. "Lijing. Lijing... Lijing please, please talk to me. Please."

Li Xinyuan was not above begging. He was not some lofty being who didn’t know when to beg.

"Hu Lijing please— what were you trying to do?" He asked again, warm tears pooling in his golden eyes as he remembered the sight of the amber-haired male surrounded by his own fire.

Hu Lijing didn’t answer. He had no words to say. Li Xinyuan wasn’t sure if the older male was even present here.

He waited. Hu Lijing still didn’t answer.

Li Xinyuan waited some more, letting the silence thicken. But when even after a long time, the amber-haired male failed to reply, he pursed his lips together.

Fighting off the conflicting emotions, plaguing his heart, tentatively, the surgeon put his hand on his shoulder. The male jolted, despondent expression cleared off his face very slowly as he turned to face Li Xinyuan with a blank look.

"Hu Lijing..." Li Xinyuan whispered in a soft tone. "Please talk to me." A little desperation seeped into his voice.

"I want to go back." Hu Lijing whispered, tears gathering in his beautiful eyes. "But I don’t dare to—I’m— Xinyuan... I’m so scared."

Li Xinyuan’s eyes watered even more. With a sharp inhale, he swallowed the sore lump in his throat and slowly crawled towards the older male. freeωebnovēl.c૦m

"Hu Lijing... please tell me what is eating you alive. Lijing, please. I beg you."

Hu Lijing’s hopeless eyes snapped towards him as the dam broke and before he knew it, the former threw himself into Li Xinyuan’s arms and started wailing.

"Xinyuan... Xinyuan..." He whimpered. "I don’t deserve to live! I should be dead— I should just end my—"

"Hu Lijing!" Horrified, Li Xinyuan interrupted his spiral, eyes blown wide. "What are you saying?"

Hu Lijing buried his face in Li Xinyuan’s shoulder and mumbled almost incoherently. "You don’t know! You don’t know, Xinyuan— I... I don’t deserve this— this.."

Li Xinyuan pulled him closer, holding his trembling body tightly as he gritted his teeth. "Tell me. Please, Hu Lijing... Talk to me. Please. Tell me whatever you’ve been hiding. Please, please share this burden, Lijing."

Hu Lijing wailed, muffled voice sending vibrations through Li Xinyuan’s body as he shivered. "I can’t take this—"

"Lijing."

It took a long time for Hu Lijing to regain a little of his bearing. In a broken, hoarse and nasal voice, he started talking.

"Xinyuan... More than 900 years ago, when I came into existence—"