Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]-Chapter 89: Zopyra — XXI

Long ZhenHai sat there, sharing his pain, his grief with Hu Lijing as he bowed his head, tears falling down his eyes like a soft, warm, drizzle. The saline water tracing a thin trail down his cheeks as the delicate drops hung from his chin as his jaw clenched and shoulders shook, the sheer grip of his hands turning his knuckles a ghastly shade of white.

"Jing’ge... Jing’ge you can hate me, you can berate me, condemn me for not being with you when you needed me," he whispered, voice thick and wet as he spoke. "But please— please don’t ignore me, please don’t block me out! It’s killing me." He sobbed aloud and unashamed of his overwhelming emotions.

Hu Lijing shook at his words, his heart, his soul and his bones rattling at the words that left the dragon’s words, making his wails louder and more miserable as he tried to curl into himself, wishing that he could just... disappear. For good.

Condemn him? Condemn Long ZhenHai?

And who was Hu Lijing to condemn the man who had done nothing wrong but loved him. Perhaps it was his only sin, but beyond that?

Long ZhenHai was pure as the first snow, pure as the gentle stream flowing through a forest untouched by tainted hands, pure as the pristine clouds that floated about in the vast expanse of the sky.

The only sinner between the two of them was the one behind the bars, Hu Lijing.

For Hu Lijing to even entertain the thought of condemning him over the circumstances that he had no control over whatsoever would be similar to a sinner condemning his judge, similar to an apostate accusing his former god of the crimes he committed only for it to be blamed upon his god when asked the reason behind his actions.

How could Hu Lijing of all the people in this realm so much as think of condemning Long ZhenHai, much less do so?

Hu Lijing shook his head, the dragon’s words were like a sharp blade stabbed into his chest, driving deep into his heart as it twisted, drawing more and more blood, yet he was unable to die.

It was pure torture to know what was the cause, the events and the consequences, only to not even have a single grain of courage to tell him to his face, with his own mouth.

Hu Lijing clenched his teeth, hot tears pouring out of his dull eyes, like poison it trickled down his face, the heat of his tears searing into his skin as he breathed heavily, letting out choked sounds occasionally.

It was a miserable affair.

The great, dark dungeon where only the cries of agony were once heard was now alive yet dead with the heartrending wails and miserable sobs of two men who were unable to fight the destiny written for them, one more helpless than the other.

Long ZhenHai had to beg and beg, plead and implore, on his knees, tears falling down his eyes as his gaze searched for Hu Lijing in the cusp of the shadows.

He didn’t know how long it took him, but Hu Lijing had finally given in to his incessant pleading and came forward, his frail and scared hands clawing into view as the shackles around them clang against the cold, wet floor.

The shadow of the prison clung to his body like an old discarded rag hanging on frail flower, tainting the beauty of the flora with its presence.

Long ZhenHai could feel his heart sink to his feet as it shattered into countless pieces, the moment he laid his eyes upon the absolute stricken look, the despairing gaze and the desolate hues painted across Hu Lijing’s features.

Subconsciously, his hands around the bars tightened as his breath hitched in his throat, words that had been on his tongue just now dying a premature death as he let out a strangled noise upon seeing the state his beloved was in.

Pale, sunken cheeks, ghastly complexion, dull, lifeless eyes, matted hair, chapped lips and body so thin he feared it might snap at the slightest touch. For a man who had once been so beautiful, so breathtaking and so noble to be reduced to such a sorry state...

For a moment, a cold, icy rush of fury poured down his bloodstreams as the bars in his grasp bent around the shape of his hand. Long ZhenHai was — by no means — someone who would lose control easily.

But the very moment he saw Hu Lijing struggling to drag himself towards the former, Long ZhenHai felt something within himself break, something in his core changed as the nine-tailed fox sat powerlessly, leaning against the thoroughly frozen bars as his breath came in a shallow pattern.

Even as he slumped against the cold, frozen metal of his prison, Hu Lijing dared not lift his head, much less face Long ZhenHai and speak to him without immediately breaking down once again and maybe throw up the bile that rose to his throat, the bitterness of the fluid barely keeping him awake.

The air between them remained tense, frigid from the weight of their silence as it hung in the air, heavy and suffocating.

Finally, Long ZhenHai could no longer bear the silence and spoke up, his voice think and lips quivering as he whispered, knuckles turning white as he clenched the frozen bars, causing a crisp noise of cracking ice to echo in the entire dungeon.

"If— if something happens to— to you—" he stammered, unable to articulate the burst of emotions running amok inside him as he gazed at the crown of Hu Lijing’s head. "Jing’ge... Jing’ge I will die too. I won’t be able to live if there is no you in this realm..."

At his words, the nine-tailed fox tensed, a small shiver crawling down his body as his thin shoulders. Unable to say a word, Hu Lijing bit his lips harshly, he didn’t know what to say.

What could a sinner like him say to a man like Long ZhenHai? What did he deserve to say to the dragon?

Hu Lijing didn’t deserve a person like him. He didn’t deserve Long ZhenHai’s love, much less his willingness to die with him or after him. He didn’t deserve any of it.

After that Long ZhenHai said no more, simply allowing himself to bask in the weak and fading presence of the man he loved, the very same man who seemed to have become a mere husk of the person he had once been.

It made the dragon’s heart break more. More than it already did.

In the silence, the gravity of the words that left Long ZhenHai’s voice lingered, in the vaults of Hu Lijing’s mind, they echoed, bouncing off the cold walls as they came bounding towards him over and over again, each word, each syllable echoing like a distant and haunting ghost that clung to the nine-tailed fox’s very soul.

Needless to say, Long ZhenHai was completely, utterly, serious. Even an idiot would be able to tell just by the tone of his voice, by the conviction that sang in it.

Hu Lijing was no fool, he was well aware that Long ZhenHai... Long ZhenHai of all would do that. That too without a second of hesitation whatsoever.

After a lengthy battle with himself, Hu Lijing finally gave into the intense urge to speak up.

"Don’t... Don’t do that, you idiot." He said, his voice scratchy from prolonged disuse as he raised his head, eyes cast down and heart hammering against his chest as he added after a beat. "I... I’m not worth loving, much less giving up your life for." He shook his head, lips curled into a smile that was filled with self-hatred.

Long ZhenHai’s brief joy at receiving Hu Lijing’s answer and hearing his voice — no matter how much the state of it broke his heart — disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared as his words registered in the dragon’s mind, sending a stabbing pain right in his heart as he stared at the nine-tailed fox, eyes wide in bafflement.

There was no disguising, the way his voice shook, the undercurrents of pain surfacing involuntarily as he spoke.

"Jing’ge..." The dragon whispered, aghast as the bars shattered, finally succumbing to the pressure of Long ZhenHai’s hold. "What are you saying?" He asked, voice laced in bitter incredulity as though he could not begin to fathom just how those words left Hu Lijing’s mind, much less how they appeared in his mind. "You don’t mean it..."

Hu Lijing pressed his lips into a thin line, guilt heavy in his eyes as they slid shut whilst he shook his head slowly.

"I mean it. Every word I spoke, everything I said, I meant it all, ZhenHai." The dragon’s name dropping off his tongue felt as though a blasphemy.

He didn’t deserve to say Long ZhenHai’s name.

"No. No. No—"

"—Yes, and you will... You will understand why once— once—" Hu Lijing choked, the confession thick in his throat as it lumped, making it hard for him to breath "—I tell you what I’ve been hiding..."

Long ZhenHai’s heart turned cold, dropping to his feet prompt as he leaned closer, desperation filling his icy blue gaze as he stared at Hu Lijing face.

What could it be that would make him hate Hu Lijing?

Him?

"What... What are you hiding Jing’ge...?" With great difficulty, he dared to ask, immediately regretting the action when he saw tears cascade down the nine-tailed fox, the clear, saline drops of fluid rolling down as though the most precious pearls... It was a sight that made Long ZhenHai bite his tongue as the pain swirling in his chest intensified tenfold.

Hu Lijing turned his face away, jaw set tensely as his teeth chattered quietly, the sound of his breathing nasally and wet as his shoulders trembled under the weight of his guilt, fear and grief swirling together in a horrid concoction.

He had barely mustered up the courage to tell Long ZhenHai about their child, he couldn’t back down now.

"I was pregnant—"

—Long ZhenHai’s heart skipped a beat.

"—I gave up the child’s — our child’s life — to get my revenge."

Long ZhenHai’s heart ceased.

His face paled rapidly and his expression changed, turning green as though he was about to be sick.

"... What?" Long ZhenHai whispered, unable to believe his ears.