Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]-Chapter 92: Thalassotélos — XXII

After Hu Lijing regained consciousness, it took him a few moments to reorient himself as he blinked, slowly, sluggishly as he tried to chase away the blur that clouded his vision, like a slab of glass casting a shadow of opacity in his eyes.

His mind was slow, drinking in the sight above him as his body adjusted to having more energy.

And then...

He saw Long ZhenHai, the dragon’s body looming over him, his handsome visage gazing down at him with a familiar and ever so gentle smile curved upon his lips.

For a split second, Hu Lijing’s heart skipped a beat or two, ramming against his chest with a stutter as he blinked, thoughts crashing for a moment.

But then, he remembered.

The confession, the broken words, the disbelieving plea, a desperate question.

The nine-tailed fox’s heart ceased, breath stuttering against his chest as it caught in his throat, before his mind could muster up any coherent, proper thought, his body reacted.

Albeit weak, his hands shot out, wanting to push the dragon away, panic, guilt and fear running amok in a storm, making his chest tighten.

But the moment his hands touched Long ZhenHai’s chest and he tried to apply some measure of strength into them, it dwindled, weakness setting in without warning as his body — trapped under the dragon’s — slacked.

Without a word of protest or condemnation, Long ZhenHai’s hand reached to rest on his, pressing Hu Lijing’s palms on his chest as he leaned his head down, pushing his face into the crook of the fox spirit’s neck.

And then, he spoke. "You’re awake." His voice but a mere whisper filled with so much relief, so much suppressed joy that Hu Lijing felt his heart squeeze.

The dragon’s grasp on the divine fox’s hands tightened slightly as he gave the latter’s hands a small squeeze as if to reassure him even if just a little.

The small, careful action made Hu Lijing’s throat close, his chest and heart choking up with so many emotions that it was almost impossible to discern what he was feeling at that time, swirling and expanding, contracting and tightening.

It was a fire, a spark, a small lick of amber; a small trickle of cool water, a meagre drop of liquid, an overwhelming deluge of sea; neither of which he could bring himself to stop.

Feeling too powerless, too boneless and far too drained to even struggle against the intimacy Long ZhenHai was displaying.

Hu Lijing was not sure what to feel, as feeble as he was, he lay on the floor cushioned by robes and didn’t speak a word. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to get even a single sentence together without having a complete breakdown.

Long ZhenHai nuzzled against him, a soft purr stirring in his chest as he rubbed his cold nose against Hu Lijing’s skin, his lips brushing over the fox’s clavicle as he continued to hold his hands without a sound.

All struggle left the nine-tailed fox’s, guilt rearing its ugly head every so often as he selfishly basked in the affection Long ZhenHai showered him with, knowing full well that he deserved none of the love the dragon was giving him.

Hu Lijing was, after all, his sinner. How could Long ZhenHai bring himself to be so soft and gentle and kind to the very same person who traded away the life of their unborn child.

Why was he willing to act as if nothing bad had transpired? As if Hu Lijing’s hands, his mouth, his insides and his very soul was not tainted with the blood of thousands. Most importantly, the blood of their baby.

Hu Lijing took a deep breath, words choking at the back of his throat as he leaned his head against the rumpled robes, hesitantly trailing his hands up the dragon’s chest as he held his throat with both hands, fingers gently sliding across his nape as he opened his mouth, exhaling slowly as he spoke, his voice thick and rough, filled with hesitation.

"Why are you doing this?" He whispered. Why are you ignoring the pressing matter of your child? He wanted to ask. But he was a coward who only knew to keep secrets.

Long ZhenHai paused for a moment, his gentle touches ceasing as he brought his hand down, laying it on Hu Lijing’s cheek as he replied a few moments later.

"I forgive you." He murmured, bringing his lips closer to Hu Lijing’s ears, his breath cool — like a breeze — against the latter’s skin. "I forgive you." He repeated himself, as if to reassure both himself and the divine fox of flames.

Hearing his words, Hu Lijing squeezed his eyes shut, teeth clenching as his lower lip caught between them and a rogue tear slipped from under his eyelids and rolled down his temple.

In an urgent but weak whisper, Hu Lijing replied. "Please don’t." A whimper left his throat as his chest rose and fell. Condemn me. Hate me. Hurt me for killing your child.

Long ZhenHai fell silent, his hand caressing down Hu Lijing’s chin as he pursed his lips.

After a long while, he spoke again, this time a question leaving his tongue. "Did you love him?"

Hu Lijing’s heart dropped to the depths of his stomach. This was a question he was afraid to answer. Did he love the baby? Did he want it?

No. And at the same time, yes.

He hated the foetus because it was living in his womb, he hated the child because it was the cause of his misfortune. But... But he loved it because it was Long ZhenHai’s child.

To Hu Lijing the baby was it because it was in his womb. But Long ZhenHai made the ’it’ in his eyes a ’him’.

Because it was the dragon’s, it was no longer it. But him.

"I don’t know." Hu Lijing replied weakly, truthfully. "I don’t think so."

Long ZhenHai’s body tensed above him as he drew in a deep breath. "Then you did the right thing. You traded the product you didn’t want to get something you wanted, your revenge." He paused, voice falling a few octaves as he continued. "I will not say your actions were correct. Or even remotely good. But you did what you had to. It isn’t my place to hate you for them. You expect me to hate you, to condemn you for your actions but I will not. The only thing I will hold against you is the loss of our child. Nothing more."

Hu Lijing let out a strangled noise.

Long ZhenHai brushed the tip of his nose against Hu Lijing’s temple, rubbing his body soothingly. "I love Jing’ge too much for that."

Hu Lijing whimpered. He didn’t deserve a man like Long ZhenHai. He clenched his teeth, more and more tears escaping the confines of his eyes as he let out a muffled sob.

"Why— why are you like this?" He gasped, fisting the dragon’s robes as he turned his face away, shame and pain punching around in his chest. "Why can’t you hate me? Why can’t you berate me?!" He asked, fatigue pouring into his bones.

Long ZhenHai bit his lips, a small wobbly smile threatening to spill on his lips as he sighed, sitting up as he held his Jing’ge closer, letting him sob into his chest as he leaned back against the damp wall, sullying his robes.

"How can I hate the sole reason for my very existence?" He dared to ask, voice indulgently soft as he caressed Hu Lijing’s back, rubbing soothing circles on it.

The question only made Hu Lijing sob harder, sputtering and gasping. To anyone else, it wouldn’t have been a pleasant sight. But in Long ZhenHai’s eyes, there was nothing more beautiful than this moment.

Hu Lijing being able to vent his emotions so strongly—to Long ZhenHai there was no honour more than this. Maybe he did love the nine-tailed fox too much. Maybe his love would be his downfall.

But Long ZhenHai would happily accept a demise like that.

His arms were like a soothing blanket while also the strongest defence Hu Lijing could have. He was more than content in that.

In a soft, soothing manner he hummed. "Besides, in this war torn era... Jing’ge would have lost against those clans, he would still have been imprisoned and slated for execution even if he protected our baby." Gently, he reached around his stomach, rubbing his belly softly as he leaned back. "They would have executed you along with it. They would have shown no mercy."

"... But I could have given birth to it, you would have been able to protect it." In a nasally voice, Hu Lijing responded, pressing his face into Long ZhenHai’s chest.

The dragon of the Infinite Sea simply shook his head in disagreement. "No. Even if you had given birth to him and given him to me... He would still share his blood with you, Jing’ge." He paused, putting his chin on the crown of the nine-tailed fox’s head. "They would have had him executed as well."

Hu Lijing’s breath hitched at the possibility, his fists clenching harder.

"In hindsight..." Long ZhenHai shook his head before continuing. "... You did the right thing by trading his life. It’s better to die unaware than to live such a short life and die a painful death. You gave my baby — our baby — mercy."

Hu Lijing sniffled, choosing to remain silent as he continued to listen, leaning against him as he breathed shallowly.

Long ZhenHai pulled him away slightly, hooking his fingers under the fox’s chin, he gazed down at him with a soft look in his eyes. "Jing’ge. Don’t blame yourself. What you did was wrong, yes. But it was also a mistake. A mistake which ultimately was our child’s salvation while also being yours." He whispered gently.

"The Monkey clan was infamous for its cruelty. I wouldn’t be surprised if they somehow found a way to make our child’s death immensely painful." He leaned down, pressing his forehead against Hu Lijing’s as he murmured. "You got your revenge. And our baby did what I couldn’t. Even from your womb, he protected you just like I wish I could have."

Hu Lijing gasped, lips parting as he hiccuped softly. "I... I..."

Long ZhenHai huffed, patiently pulling him back against his chest as he rocked back and forth, shushing him soothingly. "Oh, Jing’ge..." He murmured softly. "The ten-tailed fox... His name was Bai Huiqi. He entrusted us with his name before he passed."

"..." For a moment, Hu Lijing didn’t reply. "Why are you telling me this? I’m going to be executed, you should be remembering his name." Despite that, the nine-tailed fox filed away his name anyway.

Long ZhenHai chuckled, the sound rumbling in his chest. "Nothing will happen to you. I promise."

Hu Lijing closed his eyes, listening to his heartbeat. It was an empty promise, he knew that. But he let those words soothe him anyway.

"ZhenHai..." He whispered after a while. "Hold me please." He pleaded feebly.