The Villainess Whom I Had Served for 13 Years Has Fallen-Chapter 304

Memory

’To not forget past events and commit them to mind.’ That is its meaning.

Whether it’s something you want to cherish.

Or something you wish to erase from your mind.

It was also a cruel word that meant to hold onto the past and swallow it whole.

Oblivion means ’to forget.’ In another sense, it also meant the disappearance of the ’other.’

A cruel yet sweet word.

To not remember meant, ultimately.

To be forgotten in everyone’s memory.

Memory and oblivion could not coexist.

For memory to exist, oblivion must not. Conversely, for oblivion to exist, memory must not. Thus, memory and oblivion could never befriend each other.

Even in moments when one is trampled upon, memory holds onto that moment and harbors the complex emotion of ’someday...’ while dreaming of revenge, whereas oblivion forces one to give up.

Memory.

It is not something that can always be beautiful.

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Mikhail was no exception.

-Is it tasty?

-...Yeah.

-Then have mine too.

-What about you...?

-I’m not hungry.

If there are happy moments.

-Cough.

-...Ah... Ahhh...!

-Run away.

There are also the worst moments.

Memories that cannot be forgotten sometimes appear as nightmares, whispering that it would have been better if they could just be erased from the mind.

The burden he carried was far too heavy.

Mikhail was not on friendly terms with oblivion.

He remembered every memory he did not want to forget. Even in those moments when his breath was ragged. Even in those spaces where he lost his sense of direction in life.

Memory was fully breathing. Even as he desperately wished for oblivion, he also hated it.

Mikhail, soaking in the bathhouse, looked at the rippling water of the bath and let out a faint sigh.

’...’

He wondered if the justice he once believed in was truly right.

The reasons he had so desperately sought justice.

The reasons he had stubbornly cried out for justice, even when called a fool, no longer remained.

Ricardo.

A hero who seemed to have stepped out of a fairy tale.

The justice he sought was different from the justice I practiced.

"..."

To become a better person.

And to show that the life he saved was shining brightly, the justice I pursued... Upon realizing it was not the vision he desired, I found myself lost, unsure of which rhythm to follow.

It was at the nunnery, where the value of justice had been instilled in me.

-Mikhail. I heard from the Sister. You want to learn the sword?

-Yes.

-Why?

-Because I want to punish bad people.

-...Bad people?

-The ones who bullied me. I want to show my mother, who abandoned me, that I’ve become strong. And... I want to kill the man who killed my friend I cared about.

-Mikhail.

-Yes.

-That’s a wrong way of thinking. God loves us and always desires forgiveness. Even when faced with trials we cannot bear, enduring and forgiving is the right heart we must have.

-But Sister, I can’t forgive him.

That day, Mikhail spoke to the Sister.

It was also the first time he rebelled against the Sister who had raised him like her own child.

-Sister, if someone killed all the children and clerics in the nunnery, could you forgive that person?

-If it is God’s love...

-I lost everything.

-...

-The child who saved me after I was abandoned by my parents... The friend who showed me great love just to save me... I abandoned them.

-...

-Do you know how... angry I am? ...How much!

That day, the Sister presented him with two choices.

One choice was a promise.

-Then can you make a promise with me?

...

-Promise not to kill recklessly.

-Unless they’re bad people?

-No, it’s about understanding and making an effort. They, too, must have painful stories. It’s about giving them time to reflect.

-...What if they still don’t become good?

-God is not a cruel being. He will deliver the punishment.

The second choice was the sword.

-Instead, I will teach you the sword, Mikhail.

-You, Sister?

-Yes, there was a time when I, too, was blinded by revenge, just like you.

-Did you succeed?

-...

What I learned at the nunnery was just that.

The sword and temperance.

Because of that, I gained the strength of temperance, which I lacked while being lost in an ambiguous sense of justice. It added weight to the justice I had blindly pursued, making me cling even more to its values.

The Sister’s words were not wrong.

It was just.

God’s love was far too great.

"..."

Now, standing ambiguously on the boundaries of justice, Mikhail hugged his knees and murmured softly.

"...I don’t know."

He didn’t know which rhythm to follow.

Even so.

-Moderation is always best, Mikhail.

He could not deny the fact that his sense of justice was a wrong answer. Foolish and always blindsided.

What is the justice I believe in?

He had realized that the justice of protecting the weak was no longer as beautiful as he once thought. And the path of justice he had been following was the most glaringly wrong answer... What could it possibly be?

Mikhail stepped out of the bathhouse and dried himself with a towel. At this moment, as he wiped his body with a heavy heart, it felt far from welcoming.

The longer the silence stretched, the more unease crept into his mind.

One step.

Two steps.

As he dressed and walked back to his room, Mikhail lowered his head, trying to soothe his gloomy mood.

And at that moment.

"..."

Mikhail stopped in his tracks.

Feeling a sudden chill, Mikhail turned around. Though it was just an ordinary corridor, an inexplicable shiver made him furrow his brows.

-...

What was more terrifying than the chill.

-...

Was the dreadfully profound silence.

The frigid silence allowed the sound of rain blowing in from outside the window to be heard. Normally, in an inn, the chatter of people or the noise of moving items would drown it out.

-Ssshhhh...

The sounds from outside were vividly audible.

Mikhail clenched his fist in unease. Then, staring intently at his room door ten steps ahead, he swallowed dryly.

Ten steps.

Just ten steps away, a sanctuary awaited that could free him from this strange feeling.

It might just be an unnecessary worry, but.

It felt like...

This situation was eerily similar to what he had experienced that day.

-Ssshhhh.

-...Mister, who are you?

-So it’s you. The kid with the interesting memories.

-Wh... Who are you?

Recalling the memory that had surfaced amidst the dreadfully profound silence, Mikhail took a deep breath, counted one, two, three in his heart, and pushed off the floor, starting to run.

He knew running in the corridor at this hour was a nuisance, but his instincts were sounding an alarm.

’Something’s wrong...!’

Mikhail ran without looking back.

And at that moment.

-Creeeak.

"..."

The doors on both sides of the corridor began to open, as if they had been waiting for him.

There were various people.

A tall man.

A woman with long hair.

A man with a rough appearance.

And a small child.

Strangers he had never seen before opened their doors uniformly and stared blankly at Mikhail as he ran down the corridor.

Seeing their expressions, Mikhail was startled out of his wits.

"...Their expressions."

There were no expressions.

Just like the couple he had seen at the village entrance, they all stared at him with expressionless faces.

With a loud ’bang,’ Mikhail slammed the door shut.

And at that moment.

-Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

The sound of frantic knocking on the door began to echo.

-Student!

-Older Sister!

-Young Lady...!

Everyone started calling out to Mikhail in different voices. And as if they were trying to drag out the nightmares buried deep in Mikhail’s heart, they pounded on the door and began to utter memories he wanted to forget.

-How could you abandon me so heartlessly? I was stabbed because of you. Why haven’t you remembered me even for a moment?

-It hurts... It hurts...! I was wrong... Die in my place.

-Hah... Hahaha! I died because of you. You killed me.

Mikhail clenched his teeth, pressing against the door with his eyes tightly shut.

Where did it all go wrong?

Who were they, and why were they suddenly acting like this? Mikhail couldn’t comprehend.

And at that moment.

As the voices filled with heavy resentment vanished.

"You have to remember."

A familiar man’s voice drifted in from the corridor.

The man Mikhail most wanted to kill.

At the same time, the voice of the man who had made him shed tears of blood eerily reached Mikhail’s ears.

"If you forget, who will remember?"

It was terrifying.

"You must remember, kid."

That man’s chilling voice.

-Click... Clack...

And the heavy footsteps of that man approaching.

"Kid, do you know how much a person can remember?"

It felt as though it was dragging him back to the powerless version of himself from that time.

"You know nothing. Hah... Hahaha!!!!"

Mikhail was.

-Trembling...

Terrified.